Emperors New Clothes

Naked or Fake or Transparency

Talking to a friend a couple of months ago about how flipping difficult we were finding things and how easy everyone else seemed to have it, I said ‘I think it’s all a bit ‘Emperors New Clothes to be honest!’.  Now, this sounds like sour grapes with a tinge of jealousy and yes, yes it is. It is also something which I myself have been guilty of.  A veil of wonderfulness, which encompasses every aspect of my life, which can and does make others feel inadequate and makes me feel like a faker. It also can be quite isolating, conversations lack honesty and you start to get on peoples nerves sprouting about how perfect you are.

EFT, Matrix Reimprinting, LOA, Law of Attraction, NLP
When first entering the world of ‘The Therapist’ you get bombarded by the ‘Law of Attraction’, ‘Thoughts Become Things’ and ‘Fake it ’til you Make it’ and you become a Stepford Wife to the cause. No matter how shit your life is you still have that smile on your face and everything is going well.  AND under no circumstances say or think ‘I am really struggling here and could do with some help’  no, no, no, no…….YOU are a therapist, a life coach and if you are struggling and need help how the f*** are you going to help/advise anyone else.

Lets look at this another way.

Scenario one: .  You are sitting on a beach, the sea is a turquoise blue, you can hear the waves gently breaking, the sun is beating down and you can feel yourself starting to burn. As you are prepared you take out you suntan lotion (factor 20+, else it’s really not worth it) and smother yourself……ah, you can’t reach your back.   So do you?

Therapists:  (a) Burn  (b) lie on your back that way the sun won’t get it (you’ll be two tone but hey!)  (c) Do you go and ask someone if they could help with the parts you can’t reach?  

Non Therapists: (a) Burn  (b) lie on your back that way the sun won’t get it (you’ll be two tone but hey!)  (c) Do you go and ask someone if they could help with the parts you can’t reach…..apart from that person over there who is struggling to get to their own back, so there is no way they’d be any good at putting lotion on your back?

Alternatively you can become a contortionist in order to be independent in the suntan putting on stakes. Nevertheless there will always be a piece that you miss, a piece just out of reach, which can and is easily accessible when you ask for help.  It also has no bearing on your ability to slather suntan lotion on someone else’s back, efficiently and effectively.


The Burning Cucumber

The Burning Cucumber refers to an Matrix Reimprinting/EFT session I had back in 2010.

I have forever had a dread of cucumbers. Irrational, yes. Real, definitely. It was one of those things that because it’s always been there you adapt, it become one of your quirks.  The dramatic, in mortal danger reaction if someone dares to put a slice with your salad ‘no…get it away, I need a fresh salad as THAT, the devils fruit, has infected the whole plate, how could you try and kill me me, do you not understand ‘I am allergic and will grow horns and vomit like the spawn of Satan grows inside me’….be gone foul beast’.

EFT, Matrix Reimprinting, NLPI actually think it started in the dinner hall at infant school.   Me aged 6 ‘v’ Mrs C, my class 2 teacher…who was a secret witch who ate children. She had noticed that I’d put a slice on the side of my plate and said I had to eat it, when I said I didn’t like it she cut it into QUARTERs (as if that was going to make it taste better) and made me eat it. I remember her saying it was just water……mmm maybe that is also why I struggle with the 2 litres I am meant to drink daily.

When I was about 12 or 13 I was given a complete skincare kit. This was because I’d started to wear make-up. The foundation which made me look like a zombie and the black eyeliner caked on, with pale pink lipstick  (well it was the 80’s)  coupled with teenage ‘fringe’ acne (the acne you get on your forehead through having created a warm environment of grease, hairspray and darkness in which the spots of the ‘fringe’ are born), it was thought I should learn about cleaning all the crap off.    The complete skincare kit of CUCUMBER!  WTF!  I hid it and reveled in the knowledge that my spots were a testament to having saved my soul.

When I was in my twenties a friend asked if I would like to go and see the Vagina Monologues and mentioned that there was a scene called the C word speech.  Now at this point I couldn’t even say the word ‘cucumber’ and to me this play was getting dodgier by the minute.  Why would there be a speech about cucumbers in a play about lady parts?  Would I be able to sit through a monologue where they said that hated word several hundred times, would I go into meltdown, be sick, or even worse freeze as that green, watery word engulfed me.  Noticing my unease and whiteness of face my friend said ‘I also have an issue with the C word’, I breathed a sigh of relief, it wasn’t just me then. ‘c..*….*….t’ she spelled. ‘what?  oh that word, phew I thought it was the other c word!’

A few years later I decided to take action and wrote a letter, not just any letter to a certain store requesting that they refrain from including cucumber (yes I wrote the word) in their layered salads as it seeped into the rest of the salad and even if it were possible to pick all the tiny, little, shredded cubes out you would still be able to taste, smell, feel, remember it….forever.  I received no reply, although I note that recently they now have salads cucumber free.  I like to think that they did that for me.

Back to the present…..well nearly.  Back to that fateful day in 2010.  I attended an EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and Matrix Reimprinting  training course as an ’emotional helper’. An ’emotional helper’ is an experienced qualified practitioner who, if any of the attendees get triggered by a demonstration are there to ‘tap’ them, this enables the trainer to continue the session. (I will explain more in a later blog).  On this particular course there were a few ’em’s’ so I was lucky enough, during a break out session, to work with an amazing practitioner called Pete. I decided to work on was my fear of cucumbers, not too risky but still quite huge.  Towards the end of the session he said imagining a burning cucumber…….we both thought this extremely funny and Pete said that would be a fantastic name for a book……and the rest,as they say, is history!

I still am not a fan of the green fruit. I still refer to it as the devils fruit. I can eat things with a small amount in and not flinch or heave and I can say the word CUCUMBER…….the picture in my head is of me in full combat gear with a flame thrower.